Hell A

Wednesday 3 Feb 10

I just got back to my hotel from dinner with my lovely friend Christopher. We met 11 years ago on the set of The Flinstones in Viva Rock Vegas. He had to wrench my skin-tight spandex green leggings off me after a day of being flown around as The Great Gazoo.  A friendship was born. Then he was the costume designer on both The Anniversary Party and Suffering Man's Charity.  He is a darling and a hoot AND he used to be a dancer on American Bandstand.

In hotels I tend to watch much more TV than usual. This is because I don't have TV in my NYC apartment.  Many years ago I made a decision to have the cable box taken away. I think it is for the best. It's actually amazing how easy it is to be totally au fait with popular TV culture without having to watch it.  Everything of note is discussed, or even re-shown, on the internet.  Hardly anything makes me wish I could have seen it as it was broadcast.

Tonight I discover that lovely little Lindsey Lohan is a hoarder. I guess we should be happy in that  this seems less creepy than being paid to go half way round the globe to hang on the arm of a rich Austrian. But I mean, really.  And Heidi Montag's mother looked at her like she was a farm animal after all her surgeries, and this made Heidi feel sad.

Wake and smell the coffee, Heidi.  There are people dying in Haiti because they have no food or water.  There are people dying all over the world because they are soldiers or gay (or both) or don't agree with someone else's opinion. That makes ME sad.  No, your plastic surgeries do make me sad.  And Lindsey's hoarding makes me sad. Sad that they are newsworthy. And sad that I am even writing about them now.

 So I will stop. And instead let's have some showbiz trivia about me. It's Ask Alan time, everyone!!!

What kind of dog is Honey?  She 's a mutt. A Collie/Shepherd mix (we think)

Jane asks: Have you ever had a paranormal experience? 

Jane. I have never had a normal experience.  But I think I do believe in left-over energy and the power of that energy to make things happen that can seem ghosty and spirity.                                                                        

I remember you saying that when you became a nationalised American, the process was being filmed for the History Channel. What is the programme called as I keep going through on Sky to try & find it but I don't know the title of it. Also the programme where you interviewed Stanley Baxter ~ I keep looking out for that one as well, but again, I don't know the name of the programme. 

I had forgotten about that naturalization documentary and so will endeavour to find out more.  The Stanley Baxter show is called When Alan met Stanley and is on BBC on February 22nd

Catherine from Lowell, Massachusetts: I was wondering if you are planning on performing in Boston (or Lowell) at any time. I'm also wondering if you are going to ever write/direct another movie or if you are ever planning to turn Tommy's Tale into a film version? 

Funny you should ask, Catherine, but I will be performing in Boston very soon at a gala. Watch this space. I am always thinking about writing or directing another movie, but right now I am happy doing little internet things (see What Alan's Done), and no, Tommy's Tale - the Movie is now officially dead, because I bought back the rights as I didn't like my own adaptation of my novel (I know, crazy!)

M writes: Hi, Alan, I've admired you for many years now. I know you've come to Australia a few times (most recently to do "I bought a Blue Car Today", but I was wondering; have you ever been to Western Australia, and if not, do you have any desire to go. More importantly, what do YOU think; If somebody were to clone themselves, then have sex with their clone, is it incest or masturbation? 

Well M, I was looking forward to coming to Western Australia, but your misuse of the semi-colon combined with your crazy question has scared me off.

Claire from France writes: I have found myself daydreaming of a duet between you and Michael Stipe. I know you guys ooze very different energies, but still. Just because I love you both. Would you like that? I figure it's not entirely unconceivable -at a charity event/show maybe?- if only both of you fancied it...

I would love that, Claire.  Let's ask the universe.                                                

You'll be doing the sequel to Scott W's steampunk novel, right? Very enjoyable even though I'm only a young adult "at heart" by now

I sincerely hope so. (Claire is referring to Leviathan, a novel I recently read on CD).

You'll continue on the (solo) musical route after Blue Car, right? Now that you've taken root so deeply in my inner musical landscape, I can think of so many songs you'd be great in! I find your range of expression, from sheer energy, lust for life, wit, all the way down to pure sensitivity, so invigorating, like a healthy vitamin mix. 

Keep on taking me, Claire.  And yes, I fully intend to keep on crooning!   

                                                                                                                            A really unimportant one, but I'm curious. Any advice for miserable beings like me who have always felt sorely inadequate and frustrated at big parties? 

See  the video below



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